Day 38

Yesterday was the midpoint of our 74 day trip, so I thought I would take a moment to reflect on the first half of the field season. Experiencing culture shock has been bittersweet. Before I came here, I considered myself fairly well travelled (Tanzania is about the 15th country I’ve visited). However, this trip is completely different, at least partially because it is the first time I’m travelling as a researcher. Unlike tourists who tend to float above a country and only hit the high points, we have integrated into daily life. In Iringa, we physically work the soil on the side of a mountain, which is about as close to a country as you can get. Our companions are our Tanzanian collaborators, the local Maasai and Wahehe people who come to visit and help out, and a handful of goats, cattle, dikdik and vervet monkeys. Every day we eat, work, and sleep in the Tanzanian fashion, or at least as near to it as foreigners are permitted.

Although it started before we even reached the field, this immersion is what produced much of the culture shock. It felt like the tidy reality I had been carrying around was shattered into a million pieces and I had to start again from scratch. When everything you see and do is new and nothing makes sense, it’s hard to even remember how things were before. For awhile I was resolved to establish a routine that was as similar to home as possible. Then, as I quickly realized that was impossible, I just gave up and gave in to Tanzania. I started putting the pieces of myself back together and ended up with a much larger world than previously. Some things that I thought were important aren’t (wealth, material goods), some things still are (family, education), while other things that I hardly ever thought about (resources, power) suddenly seem really important. Every time my mind shattered because I met someone who didn’t own shoes, or I saw kids who wanted tangerines instead of candy, or I realized the $1700 I scrounged up in travel scholarships is more than many people make in a year, it came back a little stronger. That’s what is really bittersweet: it’s absolutely miserable to feel so lost, but I would never go back to the way I used to be. Now I know that this place exists, I can’t exactly return to the life I was leading. More so, I would never want to. I feel the need to do something to ensure I never forget the way I feel right now.

After we arrived in Iringa, I found out via email that I will have full funding again for next year. Although I’m grateful for the support this project has generated, this trip is already about so much more than scholarships, or getting a master’s degree, or wanting to be an academic when I grow up. This place is now a part of me, and I can’t imagine living a life where I never return to East Africa. It’s strange to think that all those years spent loving archaeology and loving Africa have led to this research, something I can see myself doing for a lifetime. And it’s strange to feel this way after only 38 days. Anyway, I didn’t mean to be so philosophical, I guess I just wanted to say that I’ve changed.